Im at strip club and am horny
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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