yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
