Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
