My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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