Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
