Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
