sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
