respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize