Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize