woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
