I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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