I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
