Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
