I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
