Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
