You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize