I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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