You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
