He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
