Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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