Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
