p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just blew my weed a kiss
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
