You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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