Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Boobs are out for the taking
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
