At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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