My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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