I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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