he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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