I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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