Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize