Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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