im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
