how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Everything about him screamed your future.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Those nachos came to me in a dream
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
