You just made me feel so damn special
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
