also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
