I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she peed on how many people?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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