this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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