On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
