New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
