so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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