If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
