conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
