I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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