dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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