I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
