I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
