I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it because I queefed?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
