Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Panties = found
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