Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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