There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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