This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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