if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
whose parrot is this?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
