His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He passed out mid-signature
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize