I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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