she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
