so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize