Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize