put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
