At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
