You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
