The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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