my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
