we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
