life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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