Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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