Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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