508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize