Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dignity is for republicans.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
