I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
