He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
