i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
