I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
