i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
