the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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