Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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