You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
