just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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