I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
