You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize