It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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