Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
