there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she told me i tasted like america
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
