i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
