There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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