I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
