is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
