True but thats because hes a fetus.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
