I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The beer is more important than you right now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
