Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
