i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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