I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
