College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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