I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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