i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
