their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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