FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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