She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
