dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
