You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
