love makes seman taste better
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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