mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We have so much sex to catch up on
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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